self – Page 3 – tide & bloom

the long and the short of it

I am twenty-seven years old. Is that old or is that young? These days I’m starting to feel the push of time more than ever. I’m closer to thirty than I ever have been, meaning closer to marriage, closer to starting a family, closer to facing the reality of becoming an independently-functioning adult. I know that we all begin talking about this time crunch as early as twenty-four, but I’m legit in the late 20s. This is serious now.

I find it difficult to describe my dilemmas without becoming totally tired of myself. I’ve been talking and talking about “what I want for myself” and “why I can’t make this happen” and “what I need to do to commit to this”. And honestly, I just don’t know the answer. I’m beginning to wonder if anyone does. I thought that by this age, everyone I knew would be happy and fulfilled with their lives. A few of them are. Most of them aren’t. The age range of my friends is pretty wide, from 23 to late 30s, and they all say similar things. Things that I say too:

– I just don’t know what I want with my life.
– It’s difficult to imagine being able to do this and have a family.
– ____ would make me so happy.
– I don’t know how to get to where I want to be.

I wish I had an answer for you. An answer for any of it, really. My solution in the meantime has been to try to forget that voice inside, make it be quiet, while you continue to work hard and move forward. Always easier said than done, but better to have tried for your entire life than to have given up and wasted your time only wishing for it.

That’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to dissolve this idea that there will be a crucial turning point or a moment where “it’s all happening”. That doesn’t exist. That’s like wishing for love at first sight. It’s never going to happen that way for me. The things I pine for, the picture of a life I daydream about, will never materialize in an instant. It will be this. All of this, slowly, one seed at a time to grow an abundant forest. You know, like a metaphorical forest of sorts. Strong, thriving, and full of life. I just have to be patient. #storyofmylife

If you’ve read this far down then I think you get my gist and you’re probably relating to me hardcore. Everyone’s lot in life is difficult and always transitional. It can feel miraculous for a few precious moments, but most of the time… it’s tiresome work and endless wondering about when it’ll all come together. All I can say is, hang in there. I’m hanging right there with you. I’m taking it one painting at a time, one stroke at a time.

8 fears you’ll face in your 20s

Do you ever feel like you’re 22 going on 35, yet you’re nowhere near “having it all”? Well, that’s pretty much been the summary of my existence for the last five years. I’m not sure where this originated, but I’ve always thought that women in their 30s were the most beautiful, most pulled-together women I knew. They are confident, successful, still growing, and know what they want out of life. The problem is that to get to your 30s, you have to go through your 20s. Well, how does it happen? How do we become who we want to be?

What I think (hopefully I’m right) is that your 20s are for growing out of the expectations of life that you developed in your teenage years. You expect life to be grand, to be fulfilling and revelatory… to matter. And yes, they can and will be all of these things. But just not in the way you expect them to be. To be able to see that, to truly see the beautiful life set before you, you will have to overcome the fears built by your expectations. So I’ve come up with a list of these fears, the ones I’ve felt made the most impact in my own experience. It’s something I continue to revisit because I’m constantly battling in a struggle to overcome them. Hopefully they’ll resonate with you as well.

change

This will be the decade of the most notable change, mostly emotional. Naturally we all want to hold onto the things that we know best, but this can hinder us from envisioning better futures for ourselves. Change is inevitable and the only solution is to embrace it, to allow it to carry you like a wave under a surfboard. Ride that wave.

taking risks

It’s scary as shit to uproot your life and move to a new city or start a new job. Part of becoming an adult is knowing that you can jump, fall, and it’ll be okay. Actually, we learned this as children but somewhere in our adolescence we re-learn the fear of falling, metaphorically that is, and it keeps us from going after the things we really want. Don’t let this happen! Jump. And don’t look back.

missing out

In college, when everyone goes out, you go out too! In this social media driven world, we are feeling more pressure than ever to be a part of things. If not, then we’ll see it on Instagram or Facebook and feel like we’ve missed out on a great time or that our relationships will suffer because of it. But it’s not true. Missing out on random social outings can be a good thing. It means you’re prioritizing, figuring out what and who is most important and most valuable to you. Make all your moments count and only give mind and time to the people who really matter to you.

speaking up

You go through school being taught that you need to listen and follow rules to get ahead. The professional world is quite a different place. Confidence plays a huge role in getting what you want. If you aren’t able to voice your opinion or stand behind your decisions, it comes off as wishy washy, indecisive, and immature. You need to know why you do the things you do and you need to be ready to defend yourself and your worth. Allow yourself to be strong. It’s not bitchy, it’s not delusional. Believe in yourself and give yourself the respect you deserve.

on habits and rituals

I think that when I first began this blog, I had planned for it to be a motivating tool to get back into making art. On some days, it really was. As time went on (it’s approaching two years old!) it became clearer to me that this space is more of a foray into my love for photography and writing – I guess just journaling in general. And yes, that does motivate art because life is what sustains inspiration and creation. After weeks and weeks of fruitless thought, I’ve finally come to the simplest solution to my creative problems. And it might sound dumb and so easy, but it’s truly a revelation to me today.

I need to make something, any little thing,
any stroke or small movement, every single day of my life.

I’m holding myself to this promise and documenting it via instagram. Social media is an omnipresent and daily ritual and that’s the way I need my art practice to be. So I’ve made a vow to post a visual update on a piece every single day of my life. It shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes out of my day to do this. And I know it’ll make all the difference. Wish me luck!

starting from nothing

“More than in any other vocation, being an artist means always starting from nothing. Our work as artists is courageous and scary. There is no brief that comes along with it, no problem solving that’s given as a task… An artist’s work is almost entirely inquiry based and self-regulated. It is a fragile process of teaching oneself to work alone, and focusing on how to hone your quirky creative obsessions so that they eventually become so oddly specific that they can only be your own.
…
In those moments when you feel discouraged or lost in the studio, or when you experience rejection, rest completely assured that what you don’t know about something is also a form of knowledge, though much harder to understand. In many ways, making art is like blindly trying to see the shape of what you don’t yet know. Whenever you catch a little a glimpse of that blind spot, of your ignorance, of your vulnerability, of that unknown, don’t be afraid or embarrassed to stare at it. Instead, try to relish in its profound mystery. Art is about taking the risk of engaging in something somewhat ridiculous and irrational simply because you need to get a closer look at it, you simply need to break it open to see what’s inside.
…

a look back

So it’s that time of year again, where everyone makes lists, countdowns, and figures out their resolutions for the coming year. Despite the high probability of seeming trite, I will participate in this action and take a look back at all my favorite blog posts of 2014. Below the picture gallery, you’ll find the corresponding links that will take you to the post. If you have just recently begun reading my words then you might like to see what I’ve been up to this whole time. I’ve seen a lot of lovely creations, spoken with a handful of amazingly talented people, and eaten a lot of tasty food. Isn’t that what life’s all about? It is for me anyways…

row 1 : chattanooga / java jive / may flowers / surfacing
row 2 : elizabeth / apple butter bakery / le petit marche / stacktone slims
row 3 : take heart shop / tiny buffalo / suzanne / henry & june
row 4 : farmer’s market / treat yourself / amelie’s / announcing
row 5 : oakland cemetery / buttermilk kitchen / the tote / krog street market
row 6 : olio / maelu designs / blueridge mountains / arabia mountain

fullness is like a tidal wave

” You must not fear, hold back, count or be a miser with your thoughts and feelings. It is also true that creation comes from an overflow, so you have to learn to intake, to imbibe, to nourish yourself and not be afraid of fullness. The fullness is like a tidal wave which then carries you, sweeps you into experience and into writing. Permit yourself to flow and overflow, allow for the rise in temperature, all the expansions and intensifications. Something is always born of excess: great art was born of great terrors, great loneliness, great inhibitions, instabilities, and it always balances them. If it seems to you that I move in a world of certitudes, you, par contre, must benefit from the great privilege of youth, which is that you move in a world of mysteries. But both must be ruled by faith. ”

The Diary of Anais Nin, Vol. 4: 1944-1947
[ via brain pickings ]

what’s next

When you’re working a full-time retail management job and trying to sustain creativity in your free time, it can be difficult to stop and smell the roses. It can be difficult to do anything in your off time besides lay on the couch like a petrified mummy. Not too long ago, I had all the time in the world to do exactly that – to contemplate, to plan, to nurture my studio practice. But I didn’t. I dragged my feet, knowing that there was always a tomorrow to continue working on my checklist. And I ended up never finishing, never starting anything really. I was treading water.

It was inevitable that I’d have to return to full-time work. I mean, the drawing thing just wasn’t happening (well, I wasn’t making it happen) and a girl has got to eat and support her caffeine slash shopping addiction. So here I am, struggling to keep up the energy to be positive and motivational for my team at work and baffled as to how I’m going to manage keeping up the pace in my independent pursuits. With the holidays here and in my face, all I want to do is eat and be merry. Can you blame me? I don’t want to keep holing myself up in my house, with my little paints, trying to produce pretty on paper (or bags). But if I stop now, then what? What comes next?

blooming

These past few months have really flown by, and though it may not look like it from the lack of blog posts, I’ve been quite the busy bee. The highlight of my fall season was finally getting my work printed and available for sale. The exhibition at Octane filled my heart and showed me that I could really do this if I just keep pushing, little by little. It’s still (always is) a work in progress. For the show I formed a collection of 15 floral prints which are all now viewable here.

Unfortunately, you can’t purchase them through the interwebz just yet, but it’s top priority for me moving into the holiday season! For now, there are two ways to get you some. The first is to email me at christina@tideandbloom.com (or talk to me in person if you know me IRL). The second, for all you local folk out there, is to purchase them at Crafted Westside. I still have all prints in stock, and a fair amount of the originals. I’m also happy to do any commissions if there are particular color schemes or flowers you’d like to see me do.

Though I don’t blog as frequently as I used to, I can promise you that all that time is going towards valuable projects and development. Next up is a collaboration for the holidays I’m extremely excited about… stay tuned for more progress posts. Oh, and follow along on instagram if you’d like to see more stuff from me on the regular!

tiny bed sessions

When you get older, you begin to realize that there are a million or more experiences you’ll forget about until you’re reminded. It’s a little sad, but it’s also a fact of life; it only makes sense that your brain makes room for the more important stuff in the present. One thing I tend to forget about is my time volunteering with the Arts In Medicine program at UF. I wrote a small blog about my experience doing arts & crafts with patients at Shands, but I often forget how much it really affected me at the time. Watching this moving video below reminded me.

seeds

I’ve been blogging for well over a year now and the show I have up at Octane is the first time I’m displaying my work, in any visual form, here in Atlanta. So it may be time that I owe you a full explanation on how this came to be. Like anything else, it’s actually a pretty simple story. I wouldn’t say “it happened overnight,” because my creative growth has been a gradual process, always evolving.

But in this case, I have to give credit to Instagram for my more recent exposure; I received my very first smartphone ever this past Christmas and since then I’ve been instagramming up a storm. In doing so, I’ve been able to connect with a lot of local creatives and bloggers which have been key in motivating me to move forward. And if you can believe it, it was through Instagram that I was presented this inaugural exhibition opportunity. Liz of Sunday’s Best, followed my account (we had never met in person) and thus became familiar with the floral pattern work I’ve been developing. One fine day, she commented on one of my photos asking me if I’d be willing to exhibit work at Octane. I was floored. Thrilled. Ecstatic. All of the above. And it was her motivation, support, and her amazing graphic editing that helped me make these prints happen.

It’s obvious to me that without this blog and without social media, I would not be as close to finding happiness as I am right now. I’ve got a helluva long way to go, but I actually feel like it’s within my reach.

I cannot stress enough how important it is that you surround yourself with people who see your potential more clearly than you do. These people are the ones you will lean on when you feel down on yourself. These people will be your cheerleaders and spread your work farther than your own voice can carry. I owe all of these people (hopefully you know who you are) in my life so much.