Hello world (or, just people who know me and read my blog every now and then). Lately I’ve been experiencing a lot of “you are amazing”, “I don’t know how you did it”, and just general admiration coming my way from friends I know and/or work with. In my heart I wholly accept these compliments, but I also have to say that it didn’t happen overnight, it’s still a work in progress, and that they can do what they love too. I felt like I was starting to repeat myself a lot so why not write about it here.

A lot of these people (you included maybe) haven’t known me for very long. Ask my best friends about how long I’ve been working toward figuring out my path and they would say it’s been going on my whole life. Yes, seriously my whole life. Years and years of doubting myself, years of quitting, exploring, and monthly breakdowns about my lack of direction. Read this and this and this and you’ll see what I’m saying.

After much contemplation and struggle, here are the keys to success (that sounds real cheesy) I’ve learned over the last few years.

Be patient.

Seriously, be patient – with others and especially with yourself. Nothing happens overnight. People don’t change overnight. And life doesn’t change after a single “eureka!” moment. It happens after millions of small steps, each just a tad closer to the life you wanted. It’s okay to be in a state of growth and transition. After all, that’s just life.

Listen to yourself.

If something is really bothering you or you’re constantly wanting something different, don’t ignore it. Sometimes it feels impossible to know what your heart wants and that’s okay. But do something about it. Yes, be patient, but like… don’t just sit there! Make an effort to make what small changes you can to improve your life and improve yourself. Even if it’s just taking one hour every week to sit in a cafe to enjoy your favorite caffeinated drink. Do the things that will nourish your heart and your soul.

If it’s hard, then you can probably learn something from it.

This one I would have to say mainly comes from my boyfriend. Through all the struggles, he always reminds me that despite not being my ideal situation, what I have is what I have to learn from. There are valuable lessons to be learned and the people who surround you will be the ones to lift you up, so don’t take that for granted. Open your eyes to what’s around you and make the most of where you’re at. It can only help you to become a stronger professional, a stronger person.

Appreciate what you have.

Live in the small moments of beauty. Things could be so much worse.

Talk it out.

As evidenced by all my introspective blog posts, you can see that I think about my life and my growth… a lot. And I’ve probably talked about it 100x more with my colleagues and friends. So don’t bottle things up. If you have to talk it out, then talk it out. Find someone who is willing to listen or is going through a similar situation and give yourself permission to vent. Sometimes those talks really lead to figuring out what you want for yourself.

Alright, that’s all I got for now. You definitely have the capacity to shape your life into the life you’ve always wanted. You just have to make the decision to take those small steps forward and know that it may be 50 or 50,000 steps more to wind up where you wanted to be. Either is okay, as long as you don’t give up.

Hi, my name is Christina.

I’ve shied away from writing in this for a little bit, but I’m forcing myself to get back into it. The holidays took a toll on me, as they usually do, due to working in retail. But it wasn’t really only that – I think it was also partly my age. I’m becoming more acutely aware of the fact that I’m far from family and far from friends. So when I’m not living that Insta-worthy life, I find myself craving those relationships more and more. Combine that with the fact that everyone else is making holly jolly memories and you’ve got a sour Christina.

Though it may seem aimless, there are a couple reasons why I wanted to write something, anything.

1. I want to get my real voice on here again. It’s easy to hide behind pretty pictures and awesome clothes and make you think I’m this cool inspiring girl who has everything she wants in life.
2. To let you know that I have pauses and breakdowns too. Everyone is always like “you’re so amazing”, “I don’t know how you do everything you do,” et cetera… and the answer to all those is that at some point, it’s too much. So that’s why I had to just step back from it.
3. Setting resolutions can be done on your own timeline. So while the world rang in the New Year, I was like ummm yeah I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in a month. I do have resolutions, but I kind of always have resolutions for my life. That’s where my drive comes from I guess.

And lastly, is that I’m not giving up. Just like in a diet, sometimes you have a cheat day and that’s okay. It’s hard to change your lifestyle. We’re creatures of habit and routine and comfort. I had a cheat month, haven’t painted anything haven’t done anything to push myself creatively. It felt overwhelming to even try.

That doesn’t mean I failed or that I’m set back in any way. I’m human. I’ve still got the same dreams, the same motivations and while it’s hard to tell, I am excited. In a quiet way I guess. I’m excited to continue growing. I’m excited to continue discovering. I hope you’re still down for following along with me.

Because I feel like I need to be giving you something else, here’s my current studio playlist. Studio meaning my living room couch slash also my car.

I’m no stranger to reflection and of course the holidays are as good a time as ever to sit back and think about the impact of the past year on your life. How could I miss out on another chance to do that?

Usually when there’s a break in blog writing here it means I’m busy, I’m sad, or I just don’t have the words. The first is true for sure – I’m busy. Instagram becomes the best option here because it’s a way to stay connected without committing to sitting down and writing. I’m not sad though, actually far more the opposite. I’m really happy. I’ve entered a phase in my life that feels like the final transition. Well maybe not final, but definitely important. I guess it might always feel that way though. So it deserves an effort from me to articulate what this year’s been about for me (and maybe for you too).

The real world is hard, but you’re still learning. 

Not too long ago, if I were upset about my current life status I would mull over it for quite some time. I would spiral downwards and downwards into a hole of self-pity and see no way of getting out of it other than quitting it altogether. Luckily with practice I’ve found myself able to bounce back much more quickly because life has taught me that this too shall pass and the less time you spend feeling bad about it, the quicker you can move onto improving it. And it’s okay to to feel bad, it’s okay to make mistakes. We’re still learning. I’m always learning. 

Today is Thanksgiving and I wanted to share with you what I’ve decided I’m thankful for. I’ve decided that the thing I will be thankful for today is me.

Every day of my life I’m overwhelmed by support that comes from unexpected places. Sometimes it’s someone I work with who barely knows me, sometimes it’s my boyfriend who tells me how amazed he is by me still. Sometimes it’s a comment on social media or a fellow artisan who says how much they admire my work. For all these things, every single day of the year, I am grateful and thankful to them. It’s really such a wonder to me that I could be this connected to people.

But today, on a Thanksgiving where I’m all by myself, I’ve decided to give proper props to myself and say that I’m most thankful for my own will, talent, and kindness. All too often I discredit myself by qualifying my accomplishments against other people or circumstance. But it’s really just me. I did this. I’m the one who is in control of my own joy and how I affect others and to date, I think I’ve done a pretty good job.

I don’t want to spiral into a hole of self congratulations, so I’ll leave it at that.

When was the last time you thanked yourself for being you?

No matter how many times I’m told not to, I always find myself doing one or all of the following:

• being extremely critical of my own work
• expecting myself to be the ultimate example
• doubting my ability to overcome
• underestimating the power of my influence
• wanting to do things myself to maintain control

I don’t think I’ll ever be completely free of these habitual thoughts, but I’m going to make a promise to myself. Actually, a couple of promises – to execute for the upcoming year. I promise to:

• move forward, make mistakes, and try again
• be proud of every little thing I’ve accomplished
• remind myself that I’m capable of amazing things
• value the impact I have as a role model for my peers
• let go and trust that everything will be okay

It’s been quite some time since I’ve really written on this blog. It’s getting more and more difficult to sort my thoughts into distinct topics and while they’re all relevant, I’m getting a bit self conscious about the fact that I still have feelings similar to those I had five years ago. I’m thinking that the reason for all of these thoughts is because of the dream. You know the dream. The millennial (ugh yes I’m one of those) goal of a fully realized life that looks beautiful, feels important, and is worthy of sharing with the world. We all want to feel significant, influential, and inspiring. I’m no different.

I turned 28 last week and am having that “this is it, this is the year” feeling. But I get that feeling every single year. Is it real? Is it a good thing to feel this sense of hope? Is this what keeps me going?..  Unfortunately this lovely hope is inextricable from fears that are motivational yet also crippling. I fear that with every year, I’m running out of time. Sounds pretty ridiculous for someone still in their 20s, but if I don’t get it right now, then when will I? I can wax poetic all day long about following your heart and going for what you want, but if I’m not doing it then what does that make me?

Yes, I have a nice little blog. Sure, I make some art in my free time. Indeed, I have an eye for creating with an aesthetic that people enjoy. I have x amount of followers and some people in Atlanta know who I am. But I feel like I’m moving at the pace of a glacier being dragged by a turtle. I still yearn for that moment when I’ll feel like I’ve made it, like I’m living the dream. But I’m wondering if it really exists or if I’m just mentally running on a treadmill trying to chase a fantasy.