After spending the day pouring over websites and blogs about “how to sell your art” or “how to become an artist”, I feel very… uneasy. And really, I guess that was everyone’s point; becoming an artist is just not easy. There’s no formula for becoming successful and so you have to figure out what is going to work for you. Selling artwork, patterns, creativity in any form is always going to be difficult. I never said that I believed otherwise; there are just some days where I feel more confident than others. So I feel the need to fess up to the truth, the ever steady truth… that I just don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what I will be doing. I don’t know how to get to where I want to be. This is ultimately what sums up my journey-into-adulthood experience. How’s yours going?
I haven’t been posting as much personal introspection on this blog as I used to especially because so many people in my life actually take the time to read it now (bffs, family, and coworkers alike). But I’m taking a risk here in order to stay genuine and let it all hang out in hopes that everyone – particularly those also my age – will understand that this is just a part of what it takes to get there. You know. There. Wherever there is, that place when all the pieces will start magically falling into place. Who knows when there will actually present itself.
The uncertainty and the insecurity are weights I’ll have to carry for a while and no one but I can carry them. People tell me left and right about what they think I could do and what they see me doing, but ultimately I can’t make their dreams for me come true. I’ve been listening to so many dreams and ideas for my talents that sometimes I can’t even discern my own from theirs. This is a problem. Perhaps one of my biggest challenges is exactly this, still feeling like I need to live up to some grand ideas about who people think I am or could be. It’s so difficult to know people think so highly of me. Yes, I do sound like an ungrateful and whiny priss, but I promise you that is not it at all. I love and live off of all the support and encouragement surrounding me at this point in my life; it’s paramount for me to keep going, to keep chugging. All I’m saying is that, it can also amount to some pressure.
I don’t really know where I was going with all of this venting, but I guess I just felt some need to get some words out of me. Things may look cool and outfits might look really cute, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t everyday struggle and confusion going on in my life. Years from now, I hope to look back on a post like this and feel like it was all a part of some bigger thing in my life. That it all amounts to a more-together version of me.
