So it’s that time of year. You know, the beginning. And everywhere you look – tv, social media, blogs – you are reading or listening to something about crafting goals for the year ahead. As always, I’d like to think that I’m different than everyone else, but really I’m not. The start of a new calendar year is a ubiquitous marker of time and instead of being cynical and ignorant about it’s importance, I’d rather join the bandwagon and do whatever it is I need to feel like I’m ready for what’s up ahead.
I don’t think I can go a traditional route of making a list of all the little goals I’d like to accomplish because it just feels too mechanical and all the more difficult to follow. There are generic things I’m always trying to improve in my life no matter what the month – trying to eat healthier, trying to be more patient, trying to be active, trying to be a better daughter/friend/partner. The turn of the year doesn’t really mark a new motivation for any of these things because I’m always in progress, always working on getting better at them.
Thinking back to one year ago, it almost feels like I was a different person. We all say the year flies by, and yes it really does, but when I look closely at all the things that happened to me this year… it starts to seem like I really packed it in. I’m always whining about how lame I think I am and how I’m not doing anything worthwhile with my time, but I don’t know if I even have a sound argument for that any more. One year ago, this blog didn’t exist. One year ago, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life nor how I was going to get any closer to figuring it out. One year ago, I was much much younger than I am now.
The year of 2013 was about forging, building. I see that now. Rome wasn’t built in a day and I’m not going to become nearly as great as I want to be without building a strong foundation, block by block. Everything I’ve done in the past 12 months was about mental and emotional preparation. The connections and friendships I’ve made, the hang-ups I’ve let go of, and the agony of trying to be patient – all that and everything in-between was a part of getting me here to now. I actually do believe I’m stronger than I was before.
This is not to say that everything will happen for me in 2014. I don’t know if that’s even really the way it’s supposed to happen for me. I used to think that if you were awesome enough, everything would happen fast because awesomeness cannot be contained. But instead of overnight popularity, my goals are going to lie within and be directed by the desire for longevity. I want whatever life I’m trying to craft to last a very long time, to be sustainable and adaptable to various forms of change. As the world changes, as I change, creativity and outlets for expression need to be steadfast.
I guess in a long-winded roundabout way, I’m trying to get to the point that my new year’s resolution is to remain. I’m going to try my hardest to remain on this path despite not knowing the final endpoint. There probably is no endpoint now that I think about it.. only wonderful pit stops along the way.
[ image via tumblr ]
